I am feeling restless.
Today, I joined twitter AND used Redbox for t he first time. Only to remember that my dell no longer enjoys playing dvds.( Note to self, never get such an opinionated laptop again.) I also realized I do not know anyone on twitter, so that was really just a waste of time and now yet another site has all of my contact information up for grabs. Holla.
But like I said before I wanted to this “blog” to be upbeat and positive, so I guess I’ll give it another go.
If anyone actually reads this, you may know that for the past few years I have had my share of medical battles. Well it is far from over but in the past 6 months I have radically changed my life - stopped the research studies, most meds, the diets, procedures, tests, appointments etc. I have also started moderately training and have now completed two sprint triathlons against Dr. Wang’s & Dr. Greenburger’s advice. Some days, like tonight, I completely understand why my top doctors would disagree with my rebellious plan because I feel like I have been hit by a truck.
On Sunday I completed my second triathlon. Which honestly I wish I had competed better and as I was climbing one of the many mountains in the course on my bike, I looked out over fields of anorexic looking cows. I had an epiphany moment. Yes I was getting my ass kicked, and pre-mystery disease Jenna would have laughed at my performance, but just 6 months ago I was a medical mess.
Last summer I woke up one morning with temporary bilateral paralysis in my legs. After more neurologists and tests it was decided that the paralysis is another symptom of a degenerative spinal autoimmune disease. I have yet to be diagnosed with a specific autoimmune disease but it likes to intercept the messages my nervous system is trying to send the rest of my body. My growing team of docs are still playing House and trying to make sense of all of my wacky symptoms. But I can honestly say in the last 2 years I have been wrestling with this dz I have never felt better nor have I laughed more.
I truly believe that changing my perception helped me more than the studies and meds. I completed a triathlon 1 year after collapsing out of bed. 6 months after my doctors told me running was not a wise idea, that causing more exhaustion with tri training was crazy. Yes I am still sick. Yes I still deal with parasthesia and some days I can’t get out of bed. But I am not fretting over meds or what I am eating, documenting everything, waiting for test result… basically I have stopped worrying about it. I have also gained so much confidence from the past 6 months. Sure it is nerve racking to wonder how sick will I get and how fast… but it is going to happen regardless if I worry or not.
So for now I will laugh and enjoy everything I am capable of doing right now : )