The Adventures of "J"

I am feeling restless. 

Today, I joined twitter AND used Redbox for t he first time. Only to remember that my dell no longer enjoys playing dvds.( Note to self, never get such an opinionated laptop again.) I also realized I do not know anyone on twitter, so that was really just a waste of time and now yet another site has all of my contact information up for grabs. Holla.

But like I said before I wanted to this “blog” to be upbeat and positive, so I guess I’ll give it another go.

If anyone actually reads this, you may know that for the past few years I have had my share of medical battles. Well it is far from over but in the past 6 months I have radically changed my life - stopped the research studies, most meds, the diets, procedures, tests, appointments etc. I have also started moderately training and have now completed  two sprint triathlons against Dr. Wang’s  & Dr. Greenburger’s advice. Some days, like tonight, I completely understand why my top doctors would disagree with my rebellious plan because I feel like I have been hit by a truck.

On Sunday I completed my second triathlon. Which honestly I wish I had competed better and as I was climbing one of the many mountains in the course on my bike, I looked out over fields of anorexic looking cows. I had an epiphany moment. Yes I was getting my ass kicked, and pre-mystery disease Jenna would have laughed at my performance, but just 6 months ago I was a medical mess. 

Last summer I woke up one morning with temporary bilateral paralysis in my legs. After more neurologists and tests it was decided that the paralysis is another symptom of a degenerative spinal autoimmune disease. I have yet to be diagnosed with a specific autoimmune disease but it likes to intercept the messages my nervous system is trying to  send the rest of my body. My growing team of docs are still playing House and trying to make sense of all of my wacky symptoms. But I can honestly say in the last 2 years I have been wrestling with this dz I have never felt better nor have I laughed more.

I truly believe that changing my perception helped me more than the studies and meds. I completed a triathlon 1 year after collapsing out of bed. 6 months after my doctors told me running was not a wise idea, that causing more exhaustion with tri training was crazy. Yes I am still sick. Yes I still deal with parasthesia and some days I can’t get out of bed. But I am not fretting over meds  or what I am eating, documenting everything, waiting for test result… basically I have stopped worrying about it. I have also gained so much confidence from the past 6 months. Sure it is nerve racking to wonder how sick will I get and how fast… but it is going to happen regardless if I worry or not.

So for now I will laugh and enjoy everything I am capable of doing right now : )

I was going to start off this blogging idea all up beat and bubbly - give some insight to the seemingly ridiculous life I lead, find humor in my daily tragedies and crazy nights. But today I got as far as copying and pasting a witty quote on my homepage and decided I would rather write a list of things I hate. Maybe tomorrow I will be in that bubbly mood I was in when I chose the appearance for this “blog”.

Things I Hate:

1. Out of state drivers - I very seriously may just throw Harriet into four wheel drive and drive over every Ohio driver on rt 6.

2. Organic Peanut Butter- the oil separation, having to mix it up, keeping it in the fridge so it never spreads on a late drunk pb and j. I am Skippy girl through and through.

3. Shitty Rap. - Enough said.

4. The month of March - By far the worst month, especially if spent in Fitchburg Mass. It does not get more dreary than that, add in some bloods/crips… it’s enough to make you want to die.

5. Milk - The other day Sam left his glass of warm milk next to my water, took a gulp and gagged. I would have rather drank straight Jack than milk. Yuck. Soy milk on the other hand.. I could live off of vanilla soy milk, rice krispies and fresh blueberries : )

6. Getting the “once over” - Especially from middle aged housewives. I am not judging you based on your phyical appearance, please do not judge me. Granted these people are usually clad in only vineyard vines, where I am in cut offs and a bikini top - hardly Chatham etiquette.  But regardless, there is more to me than my TJ Max wardrobe.

7. Sending a potentially witty message and not getting a response - I spent time on that message,I am the most uncreative person on earth so just the act of attempting wit deserves some kind of acknowledgement .

8. Settling. Whether it be with a job, relationship, or even workout routine. Sugar land said it best “I ain’t settling for anything less than everything” - no matter what the status quo says.

9. Awkward Situations- Granted I most likely make them awkward, but I cringe just thinking about them. I have been put in quite a few these days, stay tuned for more stories.

10. Boredom - I tend to go crazy with too much time on my hands. I would rather be too busy to breath than to lay around all day. I am much more productive and all around sane when I have to micro manage my day. I love it,  just ask my planner. Cool, I know.

I do find it easier to make such a pessimistic list like this while running. Yesterday I was on a run from hell. Poor A had to drag me through the streets of Pembroke to eventually turn around and bring me home. It felt as if a power drill was drilling into my abdomen. This triathlon should go over real well with the so called mystery dz. Yikes. Need to go spin for awhile.